I was thinking today about diaries of famous people…………were they really their personal diary? Who would permit a personal diary to be published?

I read the personal diary of Lev Tolystoi. I was very impressed! After I read his personal challenges while he was serving in Crimea and the missing entries, then he would enter again and recount how he went gambling and drinking which resulted in using prostitutes, contracting venereal disease, the long recovery and his resolution to never do that again.

Later in his diary he admits to being disappointed with what he was doing as an Officer in the Russian Army and the fallacy of war. The result…….he did it all over again!

I have been down on the dumps over the last few weeks. The description is more of being listless. I just cannot find the personal courage to rise above being almost depressed and useless. I just cannot get to doing anything worthwhile except eating, resting and meditating on journeys that go nowhere.

It is like a Spring Fever, whatever that it is………. but it is still Winter?

This is a time in my life when I should be pleased with all:

• No, I am not wealthy. I had chances to be financially wealthy but I chose not to advance on that path. Yes, it was a personal choice.
• Marilyn and I are conditionally healthy so no real complaints there
• My children are in satisfying careers and comfortable
• They live within a 30 minutes of our house. Nice!
• All my ten (10) grandchildren have either educated themselves into successful careers or are attending institutions and obtaining impressive grades on their paths to success
• I completed my first book, Veregin Story 2017, and as first such attempt at writing books, it is passable and most significant: it was written and published in one year. It is now a fund-raiser for the National Doukhobor Heritage Village with sales commissions to the New Horizons in Veregin and the Doukhobor Discovery Center in Castlegar
• I relinquished my resistance to Marilyn’s coaxing and I have written “My Journey Through a Life of Opportunity” which perhaps covers about 50% of my life and its challenges. It is there for my family who are surprised at who I was and what I was thinking about at that time.
• I finally rummaged through my personal “suitcase” (the one I left home with) where I stored all my personal correspondence. I was able to sift through all and saved Marilyn’s letters and those of my mother as well as those from my Sister Mary and Brother-in-law John where they encouraged me to continue with university and would send small financial contributions to keep me from starving. This is now assembled into a binder and again, it is for my family.
• I admit that my work ethic has conditioned me for a full day with little idle moments and so that may be a likely reason for my current feelings so I purchased Cadpro which is an excellent computer drafting program. I am learning how to use it by doing drawings for renovations of Nona and Tamara’s house as well as providing constructive suggestions for daughter Lori and Rick’s new house construction next year. The ultimate objective is to offer drafting to the public for small projects. Maybe that will absorb some of my frustration? It certainly will be an avenue to vent my 55 years in construction.
• Whatshan Lake Retreat still has its stressful moments but I am comfortable that I have prepared the younger generation to take over. We are waiting for a Bulk Water Permit from Water Rights that can complete our zoning amendment from the Regional District. This achievement will render the Society independent of a constant need for donations and any government grants that occasionally come our way. It should allow funding for many needs in social and health enterprises. That was the original objective of the Founders. Whatshan Lake Retreat is a very successful project that will grow with the needs of the community.
• Marilyn and I are just now out of debt for the first time in our lives. We have made a joint commitment to divest ourselves of what we are doing and not get involved in any new projects. No matter how well those projects were planned, we always seem to end up “holding the bag” so to speak. The last episode of seniors housing “Grandview” caused us to lose $200,000. What is ironic is that I had promised myself not to get involved again in any development after we left the Coast in 1993. A family decision with friends drew us in. The project is a great success as a 60 acre subdivision that boasts:
  • 47 seniors friendly bungalows and duplexes (all occupied)
  • 56 developed private residential lots (80 % constructed)
  • A Phase 11 – 43 lot residential lot subdivision (now under construction)
  • 13 acres has been set aside for a zoned 204 unit Seniors complex (shovel ready for construction (this is what forced the seniors cooperative to cease development)
  • All the critics predicted that there was not enough demand but here it is, well used.

So what then is my problem?

I am working on it………………….!

Posted 1500 hours, Sunday, March 04, 2018.